See Answer No. 5: The Boy Friend Application

1.Your Name: Rush Robertson Buggeroff

2.Age: Older than God

3.Favorite position: Holding your face down until you suffocate or at least stop posting these stupid applications.

4. Do you think I'm cute? I think puppies are cute. I think kittens are cute. I think most babies are cute, when they're asleep and not shitting or screaming. I do not think a middle-aged man (or a man of any age) who posts one of these applications is "cute". Just sort of pitiful.

5. Would you have sex with me? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No.

6. lights on or off? See previous answer. The answer is still no, even with the lights off.

7. Would you have to be drunk? Drunk. Really, really, really drunk. And stupid. And desperate. And blind. And without a sense of smell.

8.Would you take a shower with me? No. I would be afraid your ticks and fleas would wash off and jump on me.

9.Have you ever thought about having sex with me? See answer number five, add 10 more HAs.

10.Would you leave after or stay the night? I would leave after tying you to the bed, plugging your butt with a lead dildo, stuffing a slimy ballgag in your mouth. Then I'd steal your microwave and your television.

11. Do you like cuddling afterwards? Yeah. I'd love to cuddle while microwaving some popcorn and watching your TV --- with SOMEBODY ELSE!

12.Condom or skin? Condom. Used. Stretched over your ugly head. And I don't mean the head on your dick.

13.Have sex on the first date? Date? What first date? Oh, you mean when I told you that I'd let you blow me in the alley and then stuffed you in a dumpster?

14.Would you kiss me during sex? The only sex would be a kiss off.

15. Do you think I would be good in bed? See Answer No. 5

16. Would you use me as a booty call? How about I just shove my boot up your ass?

17.Can I use you as a booty call? How about I just shove both my boots up your ass?

18.Can we take pictures of the act? I would take pictures of you with both my boots up your ass.

19.How long would we have sex? As long as it took me to tie you up and get your appliances out of the house and into my pickup truck.

20.Would you tell your friends about me? I would post the pictures of my boots up your ass all over the Internet and in every gay bar in America, with the caption: "DORK"

21.Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? You got it, bitch.